The Four Agreements

Author - Don Miguel Ruiz

One thing that drives every human being is the quest for happiness. We all see life as a complex phenomenon and always lament about our inability, in general, to understand and deal with the complexities of it. Fear and Negativity are two reasons that stop us from making things around us simple and withhold us from experiencing the joys of life. ’The Four Agreements’ address these issues and also provides an insight into the reasons that install fear and negativity in us. The book further shows a way how we can get rid of these to make positive changes in our life. The author makes a very alluring argument about how we get influenced by others as we grow up. This creates heuristic bias which in turn takes us away from ourselves. Fear and negativity grip us further and all our actions are either to avoid failure/ punishment or receive gratitude/ reward. In the book, the author has introduced ‘Four Agreements’, which as per him can transform our lives.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Words - This agreement states that one should be aware of one’s thinking, talking, and writing. We are responsible for our actions and should not shy away from taking responsibility for the same. However, we must not be overtly critical or blame or judge ourselves. Because of our words (written, spoken and thoughts included), we cross paths with others leading to forming of agreements as and when others believe what we say and if we believe in what others say. Agreements once formed are difficult to break hence we must be careful with our words.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally - Not taking everything to the heart is an art. We feel a constant need for gratification and are justifying ourselves all the time. If we take things personally we will feel offended and feel obliged/ compelled to defend our beliefs which create conflicts. Every small word or thing becomes huge. We become more and more dependent upon the opinion of others. One must be truthful and honest with oneself. As the good old saying goes- Listen to others but trust yourself.

3. Don’t make Assumptions - We humans strive for half information as we are too lazy to work and get full information. As a consequence making assumptions has become our second nature. However, to make things really complicated we make conclusions basis these assumptions that we made without even knowing whether our assumptions are right or wrong. This leads to problems that can be avoided if we are a tad more careful. The same is the case with others as well, they also make assumptions about us that are not true. To avoid wrong assumptions we must ask questions so that we have the needed knowledge/ information and make ourselves clear so that others don’t make assumptions. In short, don’t make assumptions Nand help others not to make assumptions.

4. Always Do your Best - In pursuit of our becoming best we forget that we don’t need to be the best, we just need to be our best. We should do our best every time. Also best will differ from day to day depending upon the circumstances. We must strive to do our best or make our best in our circumstances without sacrificing our physical or mental health.

The author also points out the fact that all Four Agreements are interconnected but may not be always used at the same time. Agreements should be followed by having the right balance and openness to make them transformative and stress-relieving. The book has some very valuable life lessons and those are put across in a very easy-to-understand way. The author opines that the outside world influences negatively and pushes us towards being fearful and judgemental. We must pursue action for the action itself and not for the reward. He also elaborates on how our biggest fear is being who we are. This book is more on personal freedom and just not on growth. It is written in easy and simple language that makes complex themes easy to understand. The book drives the point home without being preachy.